six letters

Anxiety

I am nothing but an emotional soul. An old soul. A sensitive soul. Sometimes I wish I could give up my soul and trade it for a new one. Whatever I feel, I feel it to the core of me. Sometimes I think it’s just my anxiety, but often, it takes a toll on me due to the severity. I wish it was easier to talk about it, you know? Open up to the ones around me and take them on a journey of what I feel in my soul, but something stops me from expressing the shit that bothers me because that’s all it’ll ever be… shit that bothers me. I’m afraid that they’ll think I’m crazy, I’m afraid that this will always be a part of me. I’m afraid that my anxiety is stopping me from being the best person that I am crafted out to be.

a short but sweet love from the 90s

I’ve always wondered where we would’ve went, if I hadn’t expressed how I felt. You met me when a pen and paper were all I needed to let my emotions down. It seems like now; I can’t even get a word out. A part of me wishes that you remained the same when I first noticed you. Until the other part of me remembers the woman I was before I met you.

I’ve always wondered if I picked up my phone less, stop checking to see if you were checking for me, maybe I wouldn’t stress about your absence. When I met you, even moment felt timeless, it felt like what the 90s would’ve been. Even though our shared path didn’t last long,
“nothing even mattered… at all” To me, at least.

I no longer want to wonder how it could’ve been, if the timing was aligned with a shared connection. Whatever is meant for me, will be for me, effortlessly I gave you my honesty, shared my raw emotions, and even uncovered my body. All I wanted was your time, until you stopped noticing my company.

Reflection

Hi my love,

You’re staring at your reflection and you can’t help but think “when did you let yourself go?” The helpless look in your eyes, and the words that come out of your mouth are dull and weary. You’re searching for answers but you can’t seem to find them. You used to be good with picking yourself back up and mending your heart when you were down. You give your love away too quickly, and you put 110% effort in everything and everyone around you. You may look the same on the outside, but you’re definitely not the same on the inside. Your reflection says it all. You cannot lie to yourself, you know yourself better than anyone else.  When did you lose yourself?

i wish you well

A lot has changed over the past few years. I’ve grown a part from many people that I didn’t think I could live without. I’ve become friends with people within a short amount of time yet, it feels like I’ve known them for my entire life. I’ve learned that some people are temporary, while others are inevitable. Many will come and go, some will be there for a lifetime, no matter what the distance may be, while others, our time together has ended and there is no reviving of that. However, I can honestly say that there isn’t any bad blood or harsh feelings on my end.  Some may think that I’m being distance but in reality, I’ve become such a private person. Life got in the way, I’ve learned many lessons and you know what, sometimes it sucks. I often miss many of the people that I grew a part from, but life goes on, and I wish them well.

Glow

Listen, whenever you feel sad, or you feel as though you won’t ever feel happy again…don’t’. Happiness will always find its way back to you, always. I promise you that because everyone finds that place of happiness within them once they acknowledge that once you’ve hit rock bottom, there’s nowhere to go from there but up. The people who fucked you over or left you heartbroken, they don’t matter.  Sometimes it’ll feel like you’re the only one on your side, and no one understands you but you and that’s okay. You will make mistakes along the way, you will fall and hit obstacles but that doesn’t mean you won’t ever get back up. The power of accepting your downfalls, and learning from it is something that no one can take away from you because it will shape you into the person that you are meant to be; stronger, wiser and better than who you were before. The person who you felt like you couldn’t live without, will be a nonfactor to you once you find the peace and happiness within yourself. That’s more important. The day that you find that within you, will be something that no one can take away from you and they’ll appreciate you for loving yourself to the core. You will glow and radiate an energy that will attract so many people around you, and when they ask how you’re able to do it, you’ll look back and remember the times where you felt like you couldn’t and understand the strength that is embedded within you. This is something that I couldn’t see within myself not too long ago, and I can honestly look at myself now and appreciate the beautiful flower that I have blossomed to be. Find your peace on the inside, and you’ll radiate an aura of happiness on the outside.

I have fallen

I’ve fallen in love with a guy that lets me know how loved and how wanted I am before he falls asleep.

I’ve fallen in love with a guy who constantly cracks jokes because he loves hearing the sound of my laugh.

I’ve fallen in love with a guy who sees a vision through my eyes and puts in an effort to make them come true.

I’ve fallen in love with a guy that knows that things won’t be easy but makes the journey worth it.

I’ve fallen in love with a guy that has been bruised and broken time after time, but has taught me how to get back up and love my scars because we wouldn’t be who we are without them.

I’ve fallen in love with a guy that loves his dog the way he’d love his future child; charismatic and warm, protective but sensitive.

I’ve fallen in love with a guy who loves our Heavenly Father and prays to Him through every trial, and through every celebration, because without Him, he wouldn’t love others in the way that he does.

I’ve fallen in love with a guy that isn’t afraid of hitting the bottom, he isn’t afraid to start over and climb to the top again because he knows that once we climb that mountain, the sky is the limit.

I’ve fallen in love with a guy who saw my inner beauty before my outer. who dug deep into my soul and found every flaw, every strength, and every aspect that made me who i am today. he learned my habits, used my heart as a canvas to paint a picture of our love.

Most importantly, I’ve fallen in love with this guy because after our worlds came crashing down, he held my hand and together we built things back to together. Everything feels uncomplicated and I love being in love with someone who shares my same heartbeat.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “six letters

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: